May 28, 2010
Just a quick one
Just a quick little post. I'm still here, just busy the last few days. I'm hoping to have time tomorrow to continue writing out more on the story of my first pregnancy. It's really important to me to get it all down. At the time I had started a journal, and I plan to go through it tomorrow to help me remember better. Not that I'll ever forget, but some of the pain has faded, and I'd like to write this with some of that fresh pain in mind.
May 25, 2010
May 24, 2010
First hint
The first hint that something was wrong didn't come for many more weeks. I went about happily buying things for my baby: clothes, nursery decor, a bassinet. Things I would never do now in the first trimester, but at the time it was fun and exciting! Looking at baby things and picking them out! I even bought maternity clothing!
The first hint came late on Thursday October 22nd 2009. It was about 11pm and I was getting ready for bed. It was the latest I'd been able to keep myself awake in a long time, and I was exhausted. I went to the washroom, and I just happened to glance at the TP after I wiped. I noticed it right away. The brown smear. All of a sudden I was panicking. What if the mild cramping I'd been feeling wasn't normal? No, no, my doctor and friends had assured me it was. But what if?
I burst into tears. My husband heard me crying and he ran into the bathroom to see what was wrong. I stuttered it out through my tears, and through a fog I remember he got me to get dressed, grab my keys and my wallet and head to the hospital.
Once we arrived and got called to triage, I started bawling again as I explained what was happening. After that we waited for 5 and a half hours to be seen by a doctor. My heart was breaking, and by the time we got in to see the doctor, my spotting had picked up.
I was in such a fog that I hardly remember what happened. I remember getting a pelvic exam by a kind female doctor. I don't remember her name, but I remember feeling reassured as she told me my cervix was closed, and the bleeding was minimal. I remember her telling me that sometimes bleeding in pregnancy can be normal but that, just in case it wasn't, she would go book me an ultrasound for as soon as they could fit me in. A half hour later she came back to tell me to go home and get some rest, and come back in 2 hours for an ultrasound.
More to come soon.
The first hint came late on Thursday October 22nd 2009. It was about 11pm and I was getting ready for bed. It was the latest I'd been able to keep myself awake in a long time, and I was exhausted. I went to the washroom, and I just happened to glance at the TP after I wiped. I noticed it right away. The brown smear. All of a sudden I was panicking. What if the mild cramping I'd been feeling wasn't normal? No, no, my doctor and friends had assured me it was. But what if?
I burst into tears. My husband heard me crying and he ran into the bathroom to see what was wrong. I stuttered it out through my tears, and through a fog I remember he got me to get dressed, grab my keys and my wallet and head to the hospital.
Once we arrived and got called to triage, I started bawling again as I explained what was happening. After that we waited for 5 and a half hours to be seen by a doctor. My heart was breaking, and by the time we got in to see the doctor, my spotting had picked up.
I was in such a fog that I hardly remember what happened. I remember getting a pelvic exam by a kind female doctor. I don't remember her name, but I remember feeling reassured as she told me my cervix was closed, and the bleeding was minimal. I remember her telling me that sometimes bleeding in pregnancy can be normal but that, just in case it wasn't, she would go book me an ultrasound for as soon as they could fit me in. A half hour later she came back to tell me to go home and get some rest, and come back in 2 hours for an ultrasound.
More to come soon.
Finding out I was pregnant the first time.
Here is an excerpt I wrote on a forum back when I found out I was pregnant the first time.
"I had just about given up when I got my BFP (Big Fat Positive) this month!! After 9 months of trying, and struggling we are finally pregnant! We had to take Clomid because of my PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome), and after 3 cycles of it, I just didn't think it was going to happen for us! But here we are!
I went to the doctor yesterday and had blood work done. It was confirmed this morning!
I told my parents last night. I gave my dad and mom a wrapped present. Dad's was a baby bib that said "I love my grandpa" and Mom's was a pink t-shirt I made her that said in blue camo print font "Sexy Grandma". My dad almost cried when he saw it. He then snuck out of the room while my mom and I were talking about it and showed everyone! Then he called my aunt and my grandma before I could ask him to keep it quiet for a few months. But he was so excited I let it go. Tonight we're telling my Mother-in-law with a tote bag that says "Awesome Grandma" on it. And here's the pic of the test!
It's faint but there. AF was expected tomorrow."
It's hard to believe that in early September last year I was just finding out I was pregnant. I was so excited, and while I was cautious as I knew my aunt had 8 miscarriages, I think I was still in that mindset that 'it won't happen to me'. It's so difficult for me to see my innocence, and wish that I still had that blind faith. I was so happy, and inside I was pleased that my family, especially my dad, was so excited about my baby that he told everyone even though I was only 4 weeks at the time. None of us expected what was coming, but that's another post.
For now I'll just say that telling my husband, and my family that I was pregnant was truly one of the happiest times of my life.
"I had just about given up when I got my BFP (Big Fat Positive) this month!! After 9 months of trying, and struggling we are finally pregnant! We had to take Clomid because of my PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome), and after 3 cycles of it, I just didn't think it was going to happen for us! But here we are!
I went to the doctor yesterday and had blood work done. It was confirmed this morning!
I told my parents last night. I gave my dad and mom a wrapped present. Dad's was a baby bib that said "I love my grandpa" and Mom's was a pink t-shirt I made her that said in blue camo print font "Sexy Grandma". My dad almost cried when he saw it. He then snuck out of the room while my mom and I were talking about it and showed everyone! Then he called my aunt and my grandma before I could ask him to keep it quiet for a few months. But he was so excited I let it go. Tonight we're telling my Mother-in-law with a tote bag that says "Awesome Grandma" on it. And here's the pic of the test!
It's faint but there. AF was expected tomorrow."It's hard to believe that in early September last year I was just finding out I was pregnant. I was so excited, and while I was cautious as I knew my aunt had 8 miscarriages, I think I was still in that mindset that 'it won't happen to me'. It's so difficult for me to see my innocence, and wish that I still had that blind faith. I was so happy, and inside I was pleased that my family, especially my dad, was so excited about my baby that he told everyone even though I was only 4 weeks at the time. None of us expected what was coming, but that's another post.
For now I'll just say that telling my husband, and my family that I was pregnant was truly one of the happiest times of my life.
May 23, 2010
About Me
This isn't my first blog, but it's the first I've had in a long time. Basically since I was a teenager. If you're curious I'm now 25. I guess this is the part where I introduce myself and talk a little bit about what this blog is all about.
Hi. My name is Andrea. *waves*
Alright, now that we've established my name, let's talk a little bit about me. The biggest thing in my life right now is that I've just had my daughter. Well, not just, that was 3 months ago on the 19th of September. This was my second pregnancy, but it she is my first child. My husband and I had been trying since January '09 to get pregnant and after a lot of heartbreak and a miscarriage at 10 weeks last October, we're finally over the finish line (or the starting line depending on how you look at it. ;)
I want this blog to be a place where I can talk about the loss of our first baby, and really get that out, as well as this pregnancy, and my life with my new family. I also want to help women to talk about their losses. It was really hard for me to talk about my loss with anyone in my life because other than one or two people who had experienced it themselves, no one understood. To them I didn't lose a baby, I lost a bunch of cells. To me it was a baby, it was a whole future gone in the blink of an eye. I think if people understand that they will be more compassionate to those going through a loss.
I think that's a pretty good summary of what to expect! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it.
Hi. My name is Andrea. *waves*
Alright, now that we've established my name, let's talk a little bit about me. The biggest thing in my life right now is that I've just had my daughter. Well, not just, that was 3 months ago on the 19th of September. This was my second pregnancy, but it she is my first child. My husband and I had been trying since January '09 to get pregnant and after a lot of heartbreak and a miscarriage at 10 weeks last October, we're finally over the finish line (or the starting line depending on how you look at it. ;)
I want this blog to be a place where I can talk about the loss of our first baby, and really get that out, as well as this pregnancy, and my life with my new family. I also want to help women to talk about their losses. It was really hard for me to talk about my loss with anyone in my life because other than one or two people who had experienced it themselves, no one understood. To them I didn't lose a baby, I lost a bunch of cells. To me it was a baby, it was a whole future gone in the blink of an eye. I think if people understand that they will be more compassionate to those going through a loss.
I think that's a pretty good summary of what to expect! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it.
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