I've been focusing alot on my loss because for some reason I felt like this blog needs to be chronological. So I've been holding back saying anything about my current pregnancy. I've decided though, that this is my blog, and I can say what I want, when I want. Haha. So here's a post about what's going on in my life right now.
Tomorrow we are going for our 3d ultrasound. We're pretty excited! We had one a month ago but the little one wasn't cooperating. We're hoping that now that she's bigger we'll get some better pictures. Hopefully anyway! She already has her own little personality I've discovered, and if she doesn't want to move, there's no making her shift to a better position! If all goes well, I'll post some of the 3d pics tomorrow.
June 11, 2010
June 6, 2010
The Waiting Game
**Warning: This post will contain graphic information about miscarriage. Please don't read this if you are squeamish!**
Thus began the waiting game. First it was waiting to hear from the ER. My husband and I went home, crawled into bed, and yet again I cried myself to sleep in his arms. We got home at around 11 or 12 I don't really remember. By about 2-3 I got a phone call from the ER. My blood work was back.
ER Dr.: Hi Andrea, listen your beta came back as 6,000 which is actually pretty good.
Me: (heart sinking) At 9 weeks my beta was at 15,000.
ER Dr.: Oh. Well if they've gone down this much then I'm pretty sure you're having a miscarriage. You should make an appointment with your family doctor on Monday to discuss it. We'll send her the results. Sorry for your loss.
Me: Bye.
And that's when I finally really understood it was over. Honestly, I knew it before then, but some little part of me was always holding out hope. Praying they were wrong and that my baby was fine.
I managed to get in to see my family Dr. on Tuesday, and she was heart broken for me as well. She'd been right there with me on our difficult journey to get pregnant, and she knew how much I wanted this. She booked me an appointment at the IWK with the Early Pregnancy Complications Clinic. I was to go in on Thursday. Before I left she hugged me.
Thursday:
I had an appointment at 8 am. We got there and had to wait about 1-2 hours to be seen. After a pretty painful exam done by a student who apparently can't tell the difference between a urethra and a vagina, they told me the news. Even though I thought the bleeding was pretty significant, it wasn't. My cervix was still tightly closed, and I had "minimal" bleeding.
I had 3 choices. Wait and see if my body would take care of things, take misoprostal, or D&C. If I waited it could take weeks, it could take a month, it could take more. That was not an option for me. I wanted it over. I wanted to heal. I had gone in with the idea I wanted a D&C, but the nurse talked me into the misoprostal. I left with misoprostal and a prescription for tylenol 3's.
I went to the drugstore and filled the prescription. As soon as I got home at around noon, I inserted the misoprostal took a tylenol 3 and went to sleep. I woke up at 2:30 in horrible pain. I can honestly say I have never in my life been in that much pain. I knew it wasn't going to be sunshine and roses, but I at least thought the T3's would take the edge off. I took 2 more, and waited in horrible pain. I remembered the nurses said that if I was in pain that was unbearable to go to the ER. I called my mom to come pick me up and we went to the ER. My husband came as well. By this point I was bleeding pretty heavily. By that I mean that in the first hour we were there I bled through my pad and my pants. It still took them 5 hours to see me, and I had to yell at a woman who tried to cut in front of me in triage. I don't think anything is much more sad, and embarrassing that yelling "I was here first, and I'm having a miscarriage okay?"
I spent the 5 hours in horrible pain and having to try breathing through the contractions.
Eventually when the doctor came in he asked my husband and my mother to step outside. It was just him and a nurse in the room with me. He didn't speak english very well, or understand it because I had to explain what was happening 4 times. He then basically told me I should have expected it to be this bad and to suck it up. But just in case he would do an internal to check on things. When I said the contractions were the most painful thing I have ever experienced, I was mistaken. This was. At the time I was laying down, and had no idea what he was doing, but it hurt so badly I actually screamed a little. My DH then started banging on the door wanting to know what was going on. The doctor then explained he was removing clots with gauze. I can't believe how much this hurt, I was bawling and eventually he was finished. He then explained that he had removed several large clots, and that now everything should go easier. The doctor left. The nurse cleaned me up and got me a pair of disposable underwear. She then let me get dressed and I let my husband and mom back in. I was still in tears from the pain. I explained what had happened to them, and then we waited as instructed for the doctor to check in again in a half hour. He did, gave me more T3's and we left. I was still in excrutiating pain, but after taking a few more T3's I was better than before. By the next morning the worst of it was over. Physically anyway.
Thus began the waiting game. First it was waiting to hear from the ER. My husband and I went home, crawled into bed, and yet again I cried myself to sleep in his arms. We got home at around 11 or 12 I don't really remember. By about 2-3 I got a phone call from the ER. My blood work was back.
ER Dr.: Hi Andrea, listen your beta came back as 6,000 which is actually pretty good.
Me: (heart sinking) At 9 weeks my beta was at 15,000.
ER Dr.: Oh. Well if they've gone down this much then I'm pretty sure you're having a miscarriage. You should make an appointment with your family doctor on Monday to discuss it. We'll send her the results. Sorry for your loss.
Me: Bye.
And that's when I finally really understood it was over. Honestly, I knew it before then, but some little part of me was always holding out hope. Praying they were wrong and that my baby was fine.
I managed to get in to see my family Dr. on Tuesday, and she was heart broken for me as well. She'd been right there with me on our difficult journey to get pregnant, and she knew how much I wanted this. She booked me an appointment at the IWK with the Early Pregnancy Complications Clinic. I was to go in on Thursday. Before I left she hugged me.
Thursday:
I had an appointment at 8 am. We got there and had to wait about 1-2 hours to be seen. After a pretty painful exam done by a student who apparently can't tell the difference between a urethra and a vagina, they told me the news. Even though I thought the bleeding was pretty significant, it wasn't. My cervix was still tightly closed, and I had "minimal" bleeding.
I had 3 choices. Wait and see if my body would take care of things, take misoprostal, or D&C. If I waited it could take weeks, it could take a month, it could take more. That was not an option for me. I wanted it over. I wanted to heal. I had gone in with the idea I wanted a D&C, but the nurse talked me into the misoprostal. I left with misoprostal and a prescription for tylenol 3's.
I went to the drugstore and filled the prescription. As soon as I got home at around noon, I inserted the misoprostal took a tylenol 3 and went to sleep. I woke up at 2:30 in horrible pain. I can honestly say I have never in my life been in that much pain. I knew it wasn't going to be sunshine and roses, but I at least thought the T3's would take the edge off. I took 2 more, and waited in horrible pain. I remembered the nurses said that if I was in pain that was unbearable to go to the ER. I called my mom to come pick me up and we went to the ER. My husband came as well. By this point I was bleeding pretty heavily. By that I mean that in the first hour we were there I bled through my pad and my pants. It still took them 5 hours to see me, and I had to yell at a woman who tried to cut in front of me in triage. I don't think anything is much more sad, and embarrassing that yelling "I was here first, and I'm having a miscarriage okay?"
I spent the 5 hours in horrible pain and having to try breathing through the contractions.
Eventually when the doctor came in he asked my husband and my mother to step outside. It was just him and a nurse in the room with me. He didn't speak english very well, or understand it because I had to explain what was happening 4 times. He then basically told me I should have expected it to be this bad and to suck it up. But just in case he would do an internal to check on things. When I said the contractions were the most painful thing I have ever experienced, I was mistaken. This was. At the time I was laying down, and had no idea what he was doing, but it hurt so badly I actually screamed a little. My DH then started banging on the door wanting to know what was going on. The doctor then explained he was removing clots with gauze. I can't believe how much this hurt, I was bawling and eventually he was finished. He then explained that he had removed several large clots, and that now everything should go easier. The doctor left. The nurse cleaned me up and got me a pair of disposable underwear. She then let me get dressed and I let my husband and mom back in. I was still in tears from the pain. I explained what had happened to them, and then we waited as instructed for the doctor to check in again in a half hour. He did, gave me more T3's and we left. I was still in excrutiating pain, but after taking a few more T3's I was better than before. By the next morning the worst of it was over. Physically anyway.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
