May 24, 2010

First hint

The first hint that something was wrong didn't come for many more weeks. I went about happily buying things for my baby: clothes, nursery decor, a bassinet. Things I would never do now in the first trimester, but at the time it was fun and exciting! Looking at baby things and picking them out! I even bought maternity clothing!

The first hint came late on Thursday October 22nd 2009. It was about 11pm and I was getting ready for bed. It was the latest I'd been able to keep myself awake in a long time, and I was exhausted. I went to the washroom, and I just happened to glance at the TP after I wiped. I noticed it right away. The brown smear. All of a sudden I was panicking. What if the mild cramping I'd been feeling wasn't normal? No, no, my doctor and friends had assured me it was. But what if?

I burst into tears. My husband heard me crying and he ran into the bathroom to see what was wrong. I stuttered it out through my tears, and through a fog I remember he got me to get dressed, grab my keys and my wallet and head to the hospital.

Once we arrived and got called to triage, I started bawling again as I explained what was happening. After that we waited for 5 and a half hours to be seen by a doctor. My heart was breaking, and by the time we got in to see the doctor, my spotting had picked up.

I was in such a fog that I hardly remember what happened. I remember getting a pelvic exam by a kind female doctor. I don't remember her name, but I remember feeling reassured as she told me my cervix was closed, and the bleeding was minimal. I remember her telling me that sometimes bleeding in pregnancy can be normal but that, just in case it wasn't, she would go book me an ultrasound for as soon as they could fit me in. A half hour later she came back to tell me to go home and get some rest, and come back in 2 hours for an ultrasound.

More to come soon.


  1. I cried reading this...I hope you don't mind me following you. I hope you are having a nice evening. I'm soo sorry you had to go through this. My heart is breaking for you.

  2. Hi, Thanks for reading. I'm more than happy to have followers. Thank you for your condolences.



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